tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-201285502024-02-22T08:16:51.160-05:00Eyes on the WiresHey I thought I'd clue you in that I don't live in Japan anymore... more than a few blog posts that nobody reads back I left Japan, but was unable to get back in which completely fucked my relationship up, and well, here I am now... single again. Am I bitter about Japanese immigration, fuck yeah (Sea King!), but what can you do...Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-50236780207510518942007-07-01T17:29:00.000-04:002008-02-11T17:25:32.502-05:00Fuck you, Tila Nguyen<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjQJd9yvcqJXy3bZR6fgNDzne0VcjHWECYLbDmH7002ISTEX2__6oEb_DvyIDH-sJLHUSoK4iY280rDBHEad03gG1LabsMZ5_0cjgNz9h236R9VWeaWoEz_sZzzQNyP0pnpM982g/s1600-h/poy_profile_myspace.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjQJd9yvcqJXy3bZR6fgNDzne0VcjHWECYLbDmH7002ISTEX2__6oEb_DvyIDH-sJLHUSoK4iY280rDBHEad03gG1LabsMZ5_0cjgNz9h236R9VWeaWoEz_sZzzQNyP0pnpM982g/s320/poy_profile_myspace.jpg" alt="" border="0" name="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5082328638919392146" /></a><br /><p>Tila Nguyen, nee <em>Tila Tequila</em> (seriously, who creates a mythology about themselves <em>that</em> stupid?), is a badass. Bad with a capital b, and ass with a capital ass. Her notable achievements include <strong>A)</strong> Being naked, <strong>B)</strong> Being Stoned, and as of late, <strong>C)</strong> Amassing the largest amount of meaningless contacts on a social networking system well known for making it incredibly easy to ammass a large amount of meaningless contacts.</p><br /><p>Let it be known that I have, only <em>thirty-three</em> friends on myspace, oddly enough a number in age that dictates that a professional woman will have absolutely no interest in me. Furthermore, I don't want anyone to think that I am anything but <em>thee worst</em> reason to visit said inter-"space". Fuck, <a href="http://www.myspace.com/eskimodolly">Eskimo Dolly</a> has got to be a better reason to log into that place, a website which, ninety percent of the time essentially runs like a polish submarine; screen doors and whatnot you know? Even <a href="http://www.myspace.com/vinylmeow">this</a> human tragedy is miles more worth your time.</p><br /><p>That said let's put our cards on the table <em>once again</em>. The internet, she is serious business, okay? Coincidentally, it's also now just 'the internet'. No longer cyberspace, the web, the net, not even 'the internet super-highway' a worse fucking metaphor than calling the internet, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm3Icamb6yM">a series of fucking tubes</a>.</p><br /><p>It's so serious that a number of publications have taken time out of their busy, non-essential news reporting schedule to dedicate a page or two to the explosion of the self-aggrandizing histrionic masses who are now firmly in control of the content vomited on the interwebs. Okay. No points for being late to the party on this information, but that's YOU buddy. You as in YouTube, or You as in MY space, get it Milton? It's YOUR space, dude!</p><br /><p>Generally speaking this has always worked out well when the soulless person in desperate need of validation's SPACE was both easy on the eyes, and preferably full of naked pictures, Tits or GTFO, KTHXBYE. Many may argue about the former where Tila Nguyen is concerned, but the latter nugget of truth, something that seems to have been exorcised from her biographies, is not even debatable.</p><br /><p>The NOODZ in question are out there, google them if you like when your mom is out shopping for those pizza bagel bites that you really love. Go on, nobody is looking... I'll wait here while you check it out. I've got some time, I'll check my email. Okay, back? Don't touch ANYTHING but, listen... It takes either colossal ignorance, excellent spin, or simple brass balls to claim that a person for whom nudity consumed 90% of her career, (a career following a previous 100% of "bad drugs", lesbian trysts & generally the type of fucked-up upbringing that leads girls to yank it off in the first place) rocketed to fame as the result of her savvy use of the MySpace medium engine to hook her naked wagon to a star. A star I might add, that didn't have to pose reclined on a CRX while being photographed by spotty faced types of people abhorred world-wide for their inarticulate, stunning attention paid to crass, gaudy cars & the women upon them. Best yet for Nguyen, this star could now rock out, rather than lay out in some sort of naked self-imposed <em>Asianploitation</em> related ethnic <strike>whoring</strike> 'vignette' for the lowest bidder.</p><br /><p>Is that Tila Nguyen (a Viet Namese girl) posing with some sort of fucking samurai sword on the cover of Stuff? Fuck, someone call Wendy Wu, <em>Homecoming Warrior</em>, Long Duc Dong, & that guy who played "Data" & "Shortround"... you folk are once again in good company. It almost makes Miasumi Max, a woman so profoundly eager & ignorant as to misspell her own fucking name in Japanese hiragana (how is that possible???) on a tattoo she thought it slick to get. Almost, just fucking almost.</p><br /><p>Regardless, the death knell on this internet whore, is not exactly her own need, like so many others who try to appeal to the faceless masturbatory dreams of those who lust after the very women who seek to exploit their own race, it's simply the fact that as a person, Tila Nguyen is utterly and completely, without question or pause for thought, useless, for anything other than the stain of jizum that coats the pages she occupies. Her musical talent, something I think she erroneously takes seriously, makes Tiny Tim look like Glenn fucking "I'm a God damn Genius" Gould for chrissakes, And after that, well, it's so much nothing....</p><br /><p>So why bother with the article in the first place, if you say nothing it disappears... Yet still, the likes of major media seem to think that she's a brilliant byproduct of the Internet 2.0, where Snapesnooger, the Penguin of Doom, and Dax Flame call their home. All I'm telling you is that, as, borrowing the words of Flannery O'Conner.... The only thing that matters, is that Jesus, no, Tila Nguyen, was a liar. Face it, you opportunist... You madame, are a sham.</p><br /><p>End of fucking Story.</p><br /><br />Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1158637993022019262006-09-18T23:53:00.000-04:002006-09-18T23:57:30.706-04:00What the Halca?<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/21787.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/21787.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><p>Okay, so <a href="http://blog.sonymusic.co.jp/halcali/2006-09-19">this</a> blog or 'diary' post about of all things a "Princess Jasmine of Aladdin" <em>manicure</em> is from <i>Yukari</i>, not Halca, both of the once-popular Japanese party-hop duo, <a href="http://wiki.theppn.org/HALCALI">HALCALI</a>, but the point is--- Is it me, or is HALCALI quickly becoming less relevant than the fucking Do-Nuts for chrissakes...? Girls, I know you're enjoying the fallout of stardom & the leisure time it brings, but you won't be able to play Anime cons forever--- Maybe you might want to go into the studio some more and I don't know, make some music... Stop writing about your pink carpets and nails & turn the drum machine back on again. Please? More on this later.</p>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1157590500311627022006-09-06T20:55:00.000-04:002006-09-07T00:12:04.640-04:00Cool out of context? Don't count on it.<a href="http://image.blog.livedoor.jp/ryu_shin2003/imgs/c/e/ce24266e.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" src="http://image.blog.livedoor.jp/ryu_shin2003/imgs/c/e/ce24266e.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><p>A Bathing Ape? No! Greedy Genius? Forget about it... The next wave in cool hoodies is being surfed upon by a poorly dressed akiba maid addict with an Issey Ogata via <a href="http://www.sensesofcinema.com/contents/01/14/yi-yi.html">Yi Yi</a> -style haircut in this super-cool jacket on sale at Japanese clothing-outlet, <a href="http://www.fi-sanki.co.jp/">Sanki</a>.</p> <p>Anyways. Everyone knows that Japanese is the coolest language to get tattooed on your body, decal'd on your car, or even just adorned upon one of those <em>wacky & kooky</em> t-shirts from pornagraphy outlet, J-List--- but what about this?</p> <p>You could always claim to be remiss in knowing what it meant--- you could claim that the characters on this jacket meant something like <em>Eternal Strength, Kung fu Hippie, Dragon Fist </em>or something equally profound.</p> <p>Translated, 萌え (もえ) <em>moe </em>is a sort of catchall phrase for certain aspects of what those aforementioned akiba dwellers love, and a word they say when they want to express the fact that they love it.</p> <p>It's possible this jacket might earn you credits with your other otaku friends, if you were in Japan, were Japanese, and that sort of thing mattered to otaku--- I don't know.</p> <p>As is, I think you might get <strong>more </strong>action by wearing one of those strikingly lonely <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/japanese/74a3/">"Looking for a Japanese girlfriend"</a> t-shirts.</p> <p>It's the sort of credit that only an <em>ero ero rorikon</em> figurine can earn you. Moe is calling, do<em> you </em>want to accept the charges?</p>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1157318105623688852006-09-03T17:15:00.000-04:002006-09-06T03:11:54.486-04:00The first day of the rest of your life in Japan.<a href="http://www.pingmag.jp/images/title/normal.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" src="http://www.pingmag.jp/images/title/normal.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><p>If anyone thought that the advice I gave was worth listening to, I might have started this article with "I get a lot of questions..." I get a lot of questions about how to properly clean my mini-lathe, I get a lot of questions about how best to tell a man you're in love. But nobody gives a god damn what I think, so I'll just let you know that I've heard word of a good number of people asking how it is that they can get a piece of the graphic design job pie in the land everyone seems to call their next permanant residency.</p> <p>Courtesy <a href="http://jeansnow.net/2006/08/29/starting-up-a-company-in-tokyo/">Jean Snow's</a> blog, <a href="http://www.pingmag.jp/">PingMag</a> (in Japanese & English for your reading pleasure), has an <a href="http://www.pingmag.jp/2006/08/28/setting-up-your-own-company-in-tokyo-as-a-foreigner/">interview</a> up with <a href="http://www.normal.as/">Normal Design's</a> Ross McBride (he would be the white guy pictured in this article...), who himself started working in Japan as a graphic designer, and moved thereafter into the perhaps trickier art of product design.</p> <p>The article is a little light on information, but it does have some advice that should serve as a wake up text-message to those would be artistes out there looking to sell their deviantart chibi-kawaii-robo maid pictures to that Japanese population that just loves them so.</p> <p>In short, McBride wisely makes the case <em>against</em> a certain common strategy (read on); there have only been a few outsiders who could seemingly beat (or compete with) the Japanese at their own game. <a href="http://www.pileup.com/babyart/">Trevor Brown</a> comes to mind, first and foremost.</p> <p>Does the world need another, (or even one) MegaTokyo? Do I need to answer that question?</p>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1148398524089297532006-05-23T10:54:00.000-04:002006-05-23T12:12:34.480-04:00Go Boy Racer, Go!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/200px-Thefastandthefurioustokyodrift_bigearlyposter.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/200px-Thefastandthefurioustokyodrift_bigearlyposter.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>I saw the movie, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0232500/">The Fast & the Furious</a> for the first and only time (of any of the series), while I was living in Japan, where it was titled something along the lines of <span style="font-style:italic;">"Wild Speed"</span>... English movies, no matter how bad, no matter how unwatchable, seemed to me a welcome respite to watching Razor Ramon battle karaoke for a new car, or worse yet, Bobby Ologon acting like Japan's personal coon.<br /><br />I'm sorry, but I could give a rat fuck about cars. I'm sure that I would love to drive a fast car, and I can appreciate that some cars are nice, and some cars, mostly the ones I've driven, are rotten--- but some cars, notobably the ones that whine, instead of purr, and maybe have those ill-intentioned Japanese decalls on them--- invariably driven by the types of boys who wear axe body spray are to use some internet parlance, strictly for faggots.<br /><br />Another thing I'm not particularly fond of caring about is generally what people say when giving arm chair reviews on the internet--- still, this gem concerning the aforementioned <span style="font-style:italic;">Wild Speed</span>, seems to sum up my own brand of multi-adjectived vitriol perfectly,<span style="font-style:italic;"><blockquote>Easily the emptiest, brashest, crassest, most macho, homoerotic dumbass of a grating carnography earache for FHM readers that doesn't include Jerry Bruckheimer's name on the credits. </blockquote></span>Wow! So you <span style="font-style:italic;">know</span> that when we get to part three, all of the plausible and possible vying for legitimacy that rarely yet possibly gets stuffed last minute into a film largely about watching cars & lame ethnic fetish women on occasion, <span style="font-style:italic;">has got to be</span> completely bleached, excorcised out of the celuloid. The wonderbread of movie plots.<br /><br />It's not worth saying that the movie is or isn't bad. We all know that a shitty movie about a shitty subculture practioned by pimply people who normally annoy everyone, including the Japanese if you're wondering, just simply <span style="font-style:italic;">has to be</span> great... There just is no other plausible explanation.<br /><br />That said, it's worth knowing that the plot is probably great evidence that there is a machine somewhere that can piece together a simple narrative just by guidance of a few time honored traditions of cheesy throw aways... In brief: Bad boy racer is in trouble nebulously so with the law, leaves America & stays, under questionably legal standards, with his Uncle, a military man in Japan in order to avoid <span style="font-style:italic;">The Man.</span> Despite all common odds and precedence, easily integrates into Japanese "Underground" car scene. Racing or 'drifting' ensues, in whatever way this pits our protagonist vs the preternatural 'bad guys' in this genre. BUT OH SHIT! Our bad guy is a <span style="font-style:italic;">really</span> bad guy... A Yakuza member, the Japanese crime syndicate whom everyone outside of Japan simply adores and whom anyone & everyone onsen bath included, yours truly inclusive, anyone--- who has had to deal with at the very least it's dumb aspiring yankii pay-offs, quite simply loathe within Japan.<br /><br />Okay--- so that's not good. Tack on the remainder of the plot: a dangerous love affair with thee Yakuza related guy's would be girlfriend who drops the zero and get's with the hero, a Rocky style rematch, down at the start, triumphant at the end, and the movie writes itself. <span style="font-weight:bold;">I seriously</span> hope you are not one of those people who feel the need to register their complaint on the internet about just how <span style="font-style:italic;">wrong</span> this movie got it, or how bad it is... We all know it's wrong and bad, the entertaining part will be in watching just how well they manage that.<br /><br />Now, let's do some crimes!Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1142813156989317012006-03-19T17:56:00.000-05:002006-03-19T21:03:04.230-05:00Red Monkey Rhythm (And Blues)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.mixedfolks.com/names.htm"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/400/01.1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">The blues has always been totally american<br />As american as apple pie<br />As american as the blues<br />As american as apple pie<br />The question is why? <br />Why should he blues be so at home here? <br />Well, america provided the atmosphere...<br /></span><span style="font-weight:bold;">-Warren G. "Do You See"</span></blockquote>A friend of mine told me something once that has stuck with me since that time years ago... "Hiphop artists, singers", he said, "what they're writing about, what they're talking about, these things don't have anything to do with you". <br /><br />You, being <span style="font-style:italic;">me</span>, a white suburban kid who grew up in the south. I listen to hiphop like a lot of people in my demo do... The music however no more represents me than say <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waltzing_matilda">Waltzing Matilda</a> or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimi_Ga_Yo">Kimigayo</a>. That is, from listening to this music, I may glean a bit of info about what is happening, what is being said, why it's being said... but the connection ends there. My urban street cred ends with the closure of the Hell Rell mixtape. When I turn off the music, I go back to living my life, predominantly void of stereotypes and racial stressors. This music isn't about me, it wasn't written for me, and it doesn't speak for me... at best, I'm appropriating it--- always for my own uses--- to imagine there is another possibility is futile.<br /><br />This is the problem, now, and in the future, of Japanese R&B... J-Hop, JUrban... etcetera. The cards are on the table: Japanese music is largely for Japanese people--- Whatever it's origins, it has been transmogrified, changed, to suit the Japanese market. Take out the gritty street crime, put in synths and a chipper chorus urging you to "Make it, if you try!"... <br /><br />Moreover, can you really call music made in Japan, cranked out by the top dogs at For Life, Avex, and Sony, "Urban"? Japanese people tend to look at <span style="font-weight:bold;">white</span> people suspiciously--- so I can't imagine how they would deal with the cultural addition of a Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhood--- with all the additional element of being truly "urban"... Sorry to burst your bubble, but when we say "urban" we mean brown folks... White people living in a white neighborhood is what we call the area of a city that most people without a trust fund just cant afford to live in.<br /><br />In Japan, you've got roughly three types of this sort of music: <span style="font-weight:bold;">Party Music---</span> the musical stylings of Young MC et al combined with lightweight subjects and bouncy simple beats--- Think HALCALI, Terriyaki Boyz, Rip Slyme. <span style="font-weight:bold;">J-Urban/R&B---</span> Mostly done by girls who've lived for a bit the USA, gleaned a bit of culture and came back to sell that to Japan... Most are 'deeply moved' by the unfortunately un-translatable styles of women like Mary J. Blige & Faith Evans--- that sort of thing... Think AI, Bennie K, Heartsdales, m-Flo.<br /><br />And last, and certainly least--- <span style="font-weight:bold;">the dregs...</span> the sort of music made in Japan that takes itself much more seriously than it should especially considering the fact that it's largely unlistenable. Think Zeebra, S-Word and all the other no-talent wanks who flex and floss & wind up dropping a track on <span style="font-style:italic;">Beats & Breaks Disney</span>. These are the people who aren't invited to the party, shouldn't know about it, but show up anyways and make you listen to their demotape of FRESH RHYMES which feels overall like being punched in the face by music. Wretched. Painful. The sum realization that Japanese is <span style="font-weight:bold;">not</span> a language that translates to hiphop very well.<br /><br />Still, I'm guilty of liking the first two strains. It's music that I enjoy segregated (oh?), by myself that is--- it doesn't translate to anything else. It's like bubblegum mixed with a cookie... sweet and crunchy and weird. Yes, that Japanese girl really is wearing a shirt that says "Black Woman's Pride", what the fuck? It's best to keep this stuff to yourself--- where it belongs.<br /><br />As HALCALI begin their mediocre climb into adult-hood, they're dropping English versus in favour of delicately crafted Japanese nonsense phrases... Whereas before you got the feeling when they sang, "Meguro, New York, London", that really--- you could just have simplified that listing to "Meguro"... that's not posturing--- that what people accuse Vanilla Ice of--- posing... Now, HALCALI are turning into the girls you will never date--- enough money and age to look and dress like the girls in Egg & Knuckle... a little more refined--- but right back to being 100% Japanese.<br /><br />And that's the problem--- a lot of articles will tell you how international this music is becoming... Sure, Namie Amuro, Heartsdales, Bennie K etc all sing in English as well as Japanese, but it's no more international than <span style="font-style:italic;">goya champuru</span>... The music's issues and ideals, its topics are squarely and solely within the range of the Japanese consumer, and no place else. This is what people never understand--- this music is not even world-music, it's not trying, nor is it becoming, nor is it geared for a world audience. Simple as that.<br /><br />The future is HALCALI growing up, buying Hermes bags, and going to trance raves at Air, Heartsdales continuing to sing catchy candy party pop that goes unlistened to outside of Japan, Bennie K continuing to make music that is like the theme song for Any Teen Movie USA mixed with that growling girl rapper vocal style that seems to be influenced by Diggy Mo... And of course the rest of the meaningless hiphop that is unlistenable unknown and not even worth writing about.<br /><br />Black woman pride? J-Streets wanna know about it. But the streets cant see (What I see...), Every day as Warren G.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1141416061243903422006-03-03T14:32:00.000-05:002006-03-09T18:56:07.680-05:00The shocking truth about Steve Aoki<a href="http://www.hipstersareannoying.com/"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/IMG_0031.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Hey look, I'm perfectly willing to accept that Steve "Kid Millionaire" Aoki is a nice guy--- I don't know him, I don't hate him for being the "FADER PARTY" (any party really---) poster golden it-boy-thing of the moment, I don't hate him for that smarmy ubiquitous Bathing Ape hooody you see in every other <a href="http://www.thecobrasnake.com/">cobrasnake</a> photo, I guess I dont hate him being IN EVERY OTHER <a href="http://www.thecobrasnake.com/">cobrasnake</a> photo it seems, on every hipster list, in every L.A. editorial, all over <a href="http://www.gawker.com/">GAWKER</a>, everywhere you look or read until you just want to go into your bedroom, lock the door, take the phone off the ringer, write that last letter to mom, the editor of the Chronicle, and your ex girlfriend, down a bottle of Seconal with a George Dickle chaser, turn on your <em>Art Brut</em> mix cassette at full blast and damn it all to hell, go kicking and screaming in your Red Monkey Jeans into that awful awful <em>Good Night</em>... fyew.<br /><br />Seriously, let's calm down. It's not all that bad. Here's the rub. When in gods name did people start praising DJs for good taste? Shit DOG, that's what YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO as a DJ... Whens the last time someone said, "Oh yeah, that guy, he's a great DJ, but his records totally suck." Never, Jerk. I could play Bloc Party back to back with Rahmellzee and you know where it gets you 99% of the time? Nowhere. Shit, back before people started name dropping Cool DJ Herc (who couldnt play records to save his life either), that's ALL anyone ever talked about--- the records that DJs played--- Nowadays, everyone sees a pair of $500 dollar turntables and expects that you need a degree from <strong>NASSAU</strong> just to opperate them, so damn, if what comes out of the speakers doesn't make your ears bleed, you must be <strong>Glenn Fucking I'm Fly Gould</strong>. But, in the past 15 years or so, since I've ever been a part of some sort of maybe it's a DJ thing--- DJs have became popular for two reasons and two reasons only, one, they get great records that nobody hears again because they are connected to A&R men, or two, they're pretty good looking or have some sort of visual sight-gag that gets them noticed, and jesus, at the very least, have passably good taste in music and an apposable thumb.<br /><br />That's it. Shit I don't mean to bust the whole scene WIDE OPEN--- but that's it. Don't believe me? Sit back and ask yourself how <em>female</em> DJs get over so well... do you <em>really</em> think they just blew everyone's mind by dropping <strong><em>War Pigs</em></strong> again? Sadly, the scam is that somehow a DJ does something wild and special that nobody else can possibly do--- What's that, it's difficult to scratch? Yeah, and when's the last time you saw someone getting down to a fucking half hour of retarded turntable shit? Never. Know how to make a pretty good mix tape for your girlfriend? Then you are a DJ... it's that simple, and any DJ that tells you different is lying. Would they stick MY MUG on BPM magazine? Doubtful--- sour grapes, Maybe--- but that's the rub.<br /><br />Still, it's the media you know--- Hipsters aren't half as anoying as people writing about hipsters--- (I'm aware of the irony of that statement, so don't bother pointing it out thanks <em>Gee</em>)... And to read, "Oh yeah, it's so tired, but you know, he really does do what he's paid to do..." Fuck dog--- I want a fucking medal of honor for getting paid to passably entertain a crowd when that's what the fuck my JOB IS, CAPICE??<br /><br />It's like <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384680/">The Weather Man</a>. Nobody, but nobody likes a douche who gets paid a good deal of money for a minimal ammount of work, that's not all that difficult to begin with. That is unless they get you free drinks.<br /><br />Doye.<br /><br /><em>ps. I'm also aware of the similarities between this post and the article on DJing in Vice magazine from oh say a year or more ago, also I'm aware that I'm a bitter person who probably lives in an underground <em>murder-cave</em> / crawl space, so just ignore all this as some sort of horrible overdose on hubris and bitter rage. K?</em>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1138459778497890132006-01-28T09:32:00.000-05:002006-02-02T17:49:16.500-05:00We're Outta Here!<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chester_Cheetah"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/200601282329000.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>As I sit here packing and eating my deliciously devilish gourmet chee-tos, I'm a bit saddened by the lack of extemeness of the yummy-smiling sun which acts as a mascot-replacement for the IN YOUR FACE <a href="http://www.taquitos.net/dbimages-gallery13/Chester-RanchGuitar.jpg">Chester Cheetah</a> I'm normally used to. More troubling still, I'm not sure under what circumstances cheetos would be deemed, "gourmet"... These don't taste any more decadent than usual--- I picked them up because I hoped that the 'cheetos' name wouldn't let me down, and good lord, it didn't... Not like that misnomer of a confectionery, nee 'caramel corn', which isn't caramel corn at all, but rather something that resembles Cap'n Crunch. In Japan everything is something else--- So remember that when you order your ebi-mayo pizza--- <br /><br />And what's the point---? Why bother making something if you're just going to trash all over it and decide, HEY! Italian pasta is better afterall with not much sauce and some ham thrown in there, perhaps some natto and goya on top; And you know what's been missing on pizza for the past 50 years, SEAFOOD! The next time you go to some horrible Greek restaurant somewhere and your friend tells you that it's just 'not quite right', punch them right in the face for me.<br /><br />Every food item in Japan is an 'Eastern take, on a Western classic!', which means that 99.9% of the rest of the world will find it wretched--- Japan is that kid in gradeschool who eats worms to get attention--- People will tell you that goya and natto are healthy, but seriously, if health involves eating battery acid and rotting garbage, wouldn't the healthy <em>envy the dead?</em><br /><br />On the eve of my return vacation to the United States I've got my "Corn Garden" caramel corn done the right way, I'm finishing off my gourmet cheetos, I'm getting ready to <em>"Run for the border"</em>, and I'm going to do it all so extreme, so heart-felt, so full of life, it just may break your motherfucking heart.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1137411692862935152006-01-16T06:33:00.000-05:002006-01-16T06:41:32.883-05:00Kiss me or I'll break your neck.<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/81351129_49e6f0289c%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/81351129_49e6f0289c%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>The best thing about this whole picture, other than the guy who looks like he caught his grandparents having sex, the "are you serious, dude?" guy, and the vice grip that girl has the other girls head in, is peacefull, bored, apathetic Mao up there all like, "whatevs... YAWN!".Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1137222589739620862006-01-14T01:40:00.000-05:002006-01-14T02:09:49.776-05:00The bitch is Blackwell.<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/1.0.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/1.0.jpg" border="0" /></a>There's something slightly sad about a <a href="http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/photospecials/graph/060112worst/">depressed old fag</a> who's only claim to fame is telling us just how horribly dressed he thinks certain women are. It's like going to wig-stock just to find out that gay people think that Joan Crawford is over the top--- We get it! I've got nothing against a good looking guy in drag, but since when did anyone need to be told just how ridiculous gay men find women of the 1950's?<br /><br />Then there's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Blackwell">Mr. Blackwell</a>. I don't know if I'd bother even clicking that link--- his resume reads simply "fashion critic", which is a sort of job, like multi-media artist or club-promoter, where you wonder why it even exists in the first place. Coming in at #1 this year is Britney Spears. Whoopidy-Fucking Doo! Should someone really be given air-time for telling us that Britney Spears, classically one of the <em>least</em> sophisticated stars of the past 10 years, dresses so poorly? I'm not defending Brit, who cares, what has she done for me lately--- or ever for that matter, but guess what types of people can dress like a slob and not give a rats ass about it, wealthy people, buster--- Yet the theme is that somehow they should <em>know better</em> as they are in fact the paragons of our vast human social structure. <br /><br />But the thing is, besides the slight chuckle we get from looking at something someone wore <em>once</em> because it was given to them by Gucci or Prada, whomever, the information in and of itself is fourthousand times more worthless than reading a tv-guide from 10 years ago.<br /><br />The only people who care about this shit are gay men, people in the fashion industry, and Joan Rivers, a woman so onerous her own husband committed suicide just to get away from her. There's something to be said about an aging man making a career out of observing the flaws in women a third his age or moreso year after year--- maybe scorn is his <em>anti-drug</em>, most likely however, he just hates himself <em>most of all</em>.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1137154697073761222006-01-13T07:08:00.000-05:002006-01-14T08:30:43.810-05:00Triskaidekaphobia fever!<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/6300214605.01.LZZZZZZZ%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/6300214605.01.LZZZZZZZ%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Shit, I just realized that today is Friday the 13th... I've gone all day today walking under ladders, in front a black cats, and purposely smashing mirrors and I didn't know I'd be getting my bad luck back TWO-FOLD... (thirteen-fold?).<br /><br />But seriously, <em>"The Final Chapter"</em>, I'm no expert on Jason Vorhees vehicle films, I don't know what movie this film poster came from, but the Friday 13th franchise calling something <em>final</em> is like the <em>Rolling Stones</em>, calling their tour the last tour ever... <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/SidVicious%5B1%5D.0.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/SidVicious%5B1%5D.0.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Everyone knows that even the Sex Pistols cash in when there's a market for retrospect--- The Eagles even nodded to the fact ...Hell hath indeed frozen over. The one good thing about the Sex Pistols "reunion", was that they brought back Glenn Matlock, the only real reason their music sounded good in the first place--- I'm sure if they could have revived Sid Vicious, the Ernesto "Che" Guevera (ie. <em>a total fraud</em>) of Punk Rock* they would have propped him up next to a bass guitar and he would have sounded just as good as he ever did. Check out <em>extreme action man</em> Sid Vicious, he's punk, he's like your dad's version of Pete Doherty, a junky slob.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/guevara%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/guevara%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>(*...see that <em>Che</em> reference? and I'm not trying to sound patronizing, I just don't want to come off all "Dennis Miller" on you). Especially in Japan, people seem to view Che Guevera as a <em>'bad ass'</em> revolutionary fighting for the people. He might have been fighting for SOME people, but he certainly wasn't fighting for your capitalist economy ass.... Che notably would much rather have shot you, which is a rather casual but not far removed summation of his policies and beliefs).<br /><br />Remember that when you wear that Che t-shirt.<br />Also, it's not safe to go back to <em>Crystal Lake</em>, what the fuck, take my advice on this one--- especially if you are a horny camp counselor.<br /><br /><strong>Special Bonus edit: </strong>I'm not beyond admiting I'm wrong about something, and casually browsing the inter-net-super-highways today, I stumbled across <a href="http://realclearpolitics.com/Commentary/com-10_8_05_AVL.html">**this**</a> jawesome list of top ten misconceptions concerning the aformentioned Ernesto "Che" Guevera... Case in point, it states that Guevera, <em>[...] was for state capitalism. He opposed the wage labor system of “appropriating surplus value” (in Marxist jargon) only when it came to private corporations.</em> etc... etc..<br /><br /><a href="http://www.moreorless.au.com/heroes/guevara.html">Super special aditional Che-History link actionage!</a><br />Read it, and take off that damn t-shirt.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1137148917608128132006-01-13T05:00:00.000-05:002006-01-13T06:00:15.956-05:00Sony PSP bridges language gap for whitey.Remember reading all those <a href="http://www.wired.com/">Wired Magazine</a> articles that portend that <em>any day now</em> we'll all be using universal translators nee <em>Babel fish</em> to speak Au Naturale with everyone from Shanghai to Tanzania? Well, the future is now, motherfuckers! Sony & the PSP have come to our rescue with the multi-faceted Talk-Man soft, for the PSP portable system--- (I know that's redundant but sue me...).<br /><br />Unfortunately, they do it in seemingly the most offensive and ugly way imaginable. I was a little perplexed at <a href="http://www.playstation.jp/ch/cm/asx/cm_talkman_kekkon.asx">this</a> CM... You'll need Windows Media Player to view it--- the run down goes something like this... <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/bscap0000.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/bscap0000.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Introducing Whitey, our protagonist, (antagonist?), after a brief introduction by the fellow sitting next to her that in this year they will mary, she bows and quips back her name in Japanese <em>"Helena desu---"</em>... Maybe she should follow it with <em>yorokishu onegai shimasu</em>?? I'll leave that up for you to decide.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/bscap0001.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/bscap0001.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Here is dad. This man is not pleased. Does this picture depict a man happy with this situation? Not likely, bucky. There are a lot of ways that you can translate his (unspoken) response, <em>"taihen da..."</em> (it's terrible)... <br /><br />Maybe it's her stilted attempt at Japanese, hell at least she tried... Maybe it's her briefness at such a formal meeting, ---hell it's not THAT formal, she's not kneeling on a <a href="http://image.www.rakuten.co.jp/kantenhonpo/img1044197645.jpeg">sabuton</a> honorifically asking for his son's hand in marriage. Maybe (as my gf pondered), it's his unease at having to speak to someone who knows little Japanese, even though her fiance is <em>right next to her</em> to assist--- or more likely (also as my gf thought), that Whitey Whitestein herself isn't exactly his idea of an ideal mate for his son. Maybe it's because she's getting a little chub around the midsection?<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/bscap0002.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/bscap0002.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Sony PSP to the rescue motherbitches--- What better way to say, "welcome to the family" than to shove an electronic device into someone's face that says it in a weird robot's voice for you. Hey, problem solved.<br /><br />Look, I don't want to take this all too seriously, it's just a commercial but--- these types of conversations happen all of the time, people can get along and talk and sometimes someone translates all without the awkwardness of barely showing your disdain of having a <em>real</em> conversation by using a software device to do the talking for you. I'm not shocked out of my skin about the theme of the CM, but does Sony really think that people are going to bother to use the device in such a way, or even benefit from it, on either side of the conversation? Is it really a good social quality to piece together a stilted conversation using a futuristic speak and spell? Maybe at least that way, the girl will give up on ever understanding actual Japanese and just go her merry way back to whatever godless country she comes from.<br /><br />For the curious: <a href="http://www.playstation.jp/psp/ad.html">more Sony PSP CM in Windows Media format</a>.<br /><br />ps. Blogger spell-check suggests <em>motorbike</em> as a spelling correction for <em>motherfucker</em>? I hate to pump up the volume again, but what the fuck, hasn't the spell checker ever seen an R-Rated movie?Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136792564145323752006-01-09T02:38:00.000-05:002006-01-09T02:57:06.710-05:00Funky Puccini<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/a0204820.0.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/a0204820.0.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a>Are you serious, because you can not be. All I know is, any kid that even casually knows what a <em>porccini</em> mushroom is, is well off enough that the fucker can buy <em>his own</em> damn art and appreciate <em>that</em> whenever he gets out of whatever Ivy school he floats through half-assed on his parrent's dime.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136540548924130292006-01-06T04:32:00.000-05:002006-01-10T01:07:22.046-05:00Get off my plane!<a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=2629627"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/249036189_m.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Let's face it, the internet is good for just about one thing, and one thing only: information. Sure, sometimes that information is porn, sometimes it's a movie that nobody should pay to see in the first place, sometimes it's a column written by someone on a subject that interests you. Sometimes--- it's a gay Goth vampire crossed with a futuristic L.A. raver nee transexual prostitute who writes in alternating cases on a webpage you can't read with commet-cursor installed.<br /><br />Everyone cool with that? No? Okay, maybe we're on the same page here; but what to do about it? Regulation is a tricky thing, on the one hand <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/15/AR2005111501842.html">big corporations</a> (also known as "the man"), shouldn't be trusted to regulate themselves, and on the other hand, the government shouldn't regulate things unnecissarily, because information wants to be downloaded, people want to yank it to obscene pornography, nobody wants to pay for the Britney Spears Toxic ep, the Firefox browser is for vegans and fags, I don't want to pay a lot for this muffler--- those sorts of things.<br /><br />At this juncture however, I think we need to call in Big Brother to personally escort the internet (and it's undesirables) off to a private <em>rat-chair holding cell</em> at <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airstrip_One">Airstrip One</a>. Let's hook up some electrodes to the internet's nether regions in the goal of re-programming, at least so it can act passably normal and one day rejoin society. <br /><br />But why the internet? That thing saved me from paying 1,800 yen to see <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356910/">Mr. & Mrs Smith</a>, and possibly even gouging my eyes out with a soda straw in the process--- it can't be all <em>that</em> bad as you say. You see, life <em>without</em> the internet allows certain people to be weird and isolated all by themselves, hell, being by yourself is a hallmark of isolation! No chat rooms, no message boards, no livejournal, nothing but that hated diary who would self-immolate if it could rather than hear another paeon against how outcast you feel.<br /><br />But that was then in the primordial days of social interaction, forced <em>or</em> not. These days people are getting online and getting isolated together, encouraging each other to rebel against: the norms, the churchies, the market place, normal haircuts, good taste in music. Nowadays, if there is a weird fetish out their involving zombies, vampires, cuting, no-hit wonder music, there are a pack of over-zealous twenty three year olds with a web-ring to celebrate it. Look, I'm no square, I'm not asking for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001497/">Pleasantville</a>, for Christ's sake, just the occasional bit of pause for thought, think: Is it really such a good idea for you to <em>vomit</em> that horrid excuse for a personality of yours all over the place.<br /><br />I don't want to shoot my glock off all Archie Bunker up in your grill, but the biggest offenders of this sort of crap are <em>insane-women</em>. You know the drill: blue hair, circa 1994 rave goggles, a faux wapanese fixation on "Japanese Culture", fuck--- these people even make those weirdos look absolutely normal. The lynchpin is the nuveau Goth idea to take Goth, a horribly affected subcultre to begin with, and turn up the gay level so high you need <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rip_taylor">Rip Taylor</a> to stand next to them just to gague how unbelievable over the top they took it.<br /><br />Sure, the men do this stuff too, not to the same extrmemes, and most of them started off simply with an unhealthy appreciation for Siouxie & the Banshees, or Tori Amos, crying into their pillows at night. Once they realised that they might be able to stick it in the vagina of these dad-hating girls they became the ever-present gay-biker Dave Navaro 18th level SCA Warlocks en masse at the shitty neuvo-80s-industrial nights playing music five billion epochs past it's shelf date.<br /><br />The really odd thing is that half of these futuristic-tranny-biker prostitutes are self-described "nerds". I'm no nerd defender but these girls don't know any nerds, their idea of a nerd is a guy high enough not to balk at playing 3 hours of Silent hill, and horny enough not to question their tastes in hentai anime... Hey, I know, middle school and the ninth grade can suck, it's when it all comes together and you realize that rolling up that 8th level Magic User in the library just MAY NOT have been the best use of your last half hour. Hell, it can suck all the way out of highschool and right into life. Here's what you do: wear shitty clothes, invent something electronic, get a bad haircut, maybe get rich, mary someone who loves you for your money--- do you think that Bill Gates mopes around on his livejournal and listens to <em>His Name is Alive</em> all day? No he doesn't larry. Whatever you do, just don't call yourself MistressKittyPussy and write about it on your webpage concerning the details of your life long goal of trying to make <em>Klaus Nomi</em> look absolutely normal. <br /><br />Hentai tentacle rape porn is your raison d'etre?? Orly? Maybe you just wanted to be that fucked up Asian kid who collects doll figurines and chops up little girls into suet? You did? Mission A-Fucking-Complished, ^_^ <em>"Otaku-chan"</em>. Now thanks to you, some guy who likes numbers and might have gone on to invent some life-saving gadget is going to get confused, stop inventing things and think that he has a chance to get a piece from MissySexPussy69 of <em>www.hotvampires.com</em>.<br /><br />Oh fuck.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136419445135729732006-01-04T18:52:00.000-05:002006-01-04T19:42:12.473-05:00Rock in Golden Age<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/019206-2%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/019206-2%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Kodansha has a new issue of <a href="http://shop.kodansha.jp/bc2_bc/search_view.jsp?b=0192066">Rock in Golden Age</a> on the shelf this month. This issue is the (imo-- better) half of the 1976-1977 duo issues, featuring artists like Patti Smith, New York Dolls, Suicide, Buzzcocks, Ramones, Television/Richard Hell, The Stranglers, even the Boomtown Rats who had a noteable punk hit w/ <em>Lookin' Out for Number One</em>, then the awkward segue into Earth Wind & Fire, Parliament Funkadelic and Stevie Wonder's classic, <em>Songs in the Key of Life</em>. Personally I think that white people ruined the names of both funk & reggae permantly spilling some sort of indellible bongwater of shame on them & then hacky-sacking them into the realm of ironic dreadlocks and stink... <br /><br />The nod is warranted, but next to Blondie's debut it's still a little jarring--- it's not too heavy in depth but <em>for 740en no less---</em> it's still a nice picturebook.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136355101601716542006-01-04T00:53:00.000-05:002006-01-06T00:03:01.073-05:00Grab-bag rockin' funzoneA few things to consider:<br /><br /><strong>1.</strong> No matter what you might think, no matter how hard you hope, no matter how loud you turn up that Combichrist cd, I'm sorry to tell you that, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jhonen_Vasquez">Jhonen Vasquez</a> is not, and will not ever be considered an "artist" in any conventional sense. Grow up.<br /><br /><strong>2.</strong> I have as of yet to see Japanese fruit rot, or bread turn moldy, or milk turn into the type of science experiments I was capable of at home. I don't know if I want to know, but I wonder if Japan is using some sort of <em>chemicals</em> to keep this stuff fresh forever... I don't think I've bought eggs off the shelf in any <em>other</em> country, now that I think of it.<br /><br /><a href="http://the-do-nuts.com/index.html"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/B0009N2YAC.01.LZZZZZZZ%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><strong>3.</strong> Some people would say that <strong>the Do-Nuts</strong>, (creatively pronounced, Doo-Nuts), are a second rate <strong>HALCALI</strong> ripoff... I'd say that they're <em>first rate</em> HALCALI ripoff! Really, I heard this track (<em>Nagisa no Go-Go Girl</em>), when I first got here in August, a month after it was released, constantly, later I read those same similar charges--- In my mind I pegged the song as the copycat to Giri Giri Surfrider if only for it's same single strophe of <em>nami-nori</em> (into surfing), but only recently found the actual original to seal the deal... (I had only heard it previously on the radio.) I asked my girlfriend if she remembered the song from when I had moved to Japan, and the first thing she asked was, "Eee? HALCALI?"... Pretty condemning evidence.<br /><br /><strong>4.</strong> Speaking of HALCALI...<br /><br />バレバレだって メッセンジャー <br />爆音鳴った宣伝カー さらされてる 炎天下 <br />駆け抜ける セプテンパーまで<br /><br />The Messenger vans are in fact, in January, still going strong... selling sweet potatos with the vocal conviction of a <strong>No</strong> drama. Listen to the Japanese Blimpvert from the <strong>Blade Runner</strong> soundtrack, and picture someone driving around slowly selling you oil, gyoza or sweet potatos, and you'll get the image perfectly.<br /><br />...more later.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136281710037138042006-01-03T04:29:00.000-05:002006-01-06T02:46:32.406-05:00Hard Gay hard up for hard cash, clever headlines depleted.<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/20051230p2g00m0dm002000p_size6%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/20051230p2g00m0dm002000p_size6%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><a href="http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/face/news/20051230p2g00m0dm003000c.html">MSN Mainichi</a> has a little fluff article about how Razor Ramon, Hard Gay, coincidentally, NOT <a href="http://www.derok.net/derek3/images/classics/wwf%20razor%20enterance.jpg">this guy</a> may not be quite as rich as we think desipte being on television seemingly constantly this last year.<br /><br />First, it's not an exageration. It was incredibly easy at any time this last year to turn on the television and hear the signature <em>"fuuuuuuuuuu~~~~"</em>. Japanese television is, if anything, mind dullingly repetitious--- which perhaps explains the short life span of talent. How many times can you girate to Livin la Vida Loca before the joke wears thin? Seemingly much much more than you might have ever imagined.<br /><br />The article doesn't make any claims as to what he's exactly making, some 10 times his pay rate when he was previously with the Shin Kigeki talent group, but then it doesn't actually say that he's <em>living la vida broka</em> either... Like that clever pun? I thought of that all by myself.<br /><br />Gee, you would think that with the money they save on never having any contestants, audience members, guests, or subjets who aren't the regular run-of-the-mill talent-scam, they could slide HG a few more duckets... At least it will be good to remember when watching, waiting--- praying! ...to see which talent takes home the Mercedez Benz, that the talent are just regular folk like you and me; Hard Gay is just one of <em>us</em>, just a slob like one of us... What if?Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136207467656066532006-01-02T07:28:00.000-05:002006-01-02T11:08:40.613-05:00Hey! Chief, let's rap, why not!?<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/stefani%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/stefani%5B1%5D.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>There is really nothing new to say about Gwen Stefani and her creepy Asian fetish... Still, people buy into that sort of gag all of the time, and it's being sold all the time. SOMEONE needs to staff the cultural pavillions at Epcott Center, someone needs to fill the pages of Asian Babes. And seriously though, <a href="http://www.sexytinalee.com/sitemode/defaulthtml.asp">who are you gonna call</a> when you need someone to model for the "Hot Import Nights" car show?<br /><br />I didn't even notice that there on the front page of the Asahi Shimbun newspaper on new years day was old Gwen and her pack of the smartest dumb girls to ever cash in on their heritage. The gist of the matter is that "kawaii culture" is catching on all over the world! Hey, true or not, (I think not), it makes a much kinder and gentler story than "White devil-woman uses race card to pimp LA whores, sell albums...". Gwen isn't really a household name in Japan, and frankly I could care less if she becomes one... Nobody's ruining my good time except for the wretched economy. It's hard to say what the consensus is, nobody really knows about her, but then--- I haven't exactly been polling the streets (nor do I care to), to find out what people think. Those (Japanese) people who have spoken have enjoyed the nod to Japanese street culture, but wonder how long Gwen will keep up the act. As long as the money keeps on comming in, I suppose.<br /><br />But so what? Maybe she's ruining <em>your</em> Asia, getting it all wrong you know. Her biggest crime seems to be having the sort of cash required to advertise her own patented brand of consumable yellow fever, whereas a good tip would be to keep that sort of fetish on the <em>down low.</em> Even still, I think that if you're an Asian daily who runs a front page spread of Gwen Stefani and her traveling minstrel show and you don't see even a slight tinge of scary irony about the scene, perhaps your own hubris has grown far too large for anyone, anywhere, to defend it.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136092338127902332006-01-01T00:04:00.000-05:002006-01-01T01:06:10.823-05:00Parlez-Vous Douchebag?<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/1600/IMG_9486.0.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/IMG_9486.0.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><blockquote>"So anyways, I think that we're going to start principal photography soon, we've got Daren Aronofsky set to direct, I really love his work, so lyrical, in uh, visual sense you know what I mean. Wilmer Valderrama expressed an interest in playing my double--- you see, it's kind of a <i>Jekyl and Hyde</i> meets <i>Bronenosets Potyomkin</i>, meets <i>Wings of Desire</i> sort of thing, but with a disco element to it, so Wilmer fits right in you know what I'm saying? Anyways, I've got an ounce of coke back at my bungalow if you wanna go back there, I've got the new Hell Rell mix cd, and some Ketle One and..., you do, cool let's boogie."</blockquote>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1136088236250416382005-12-31T22:41:00.000-05:002005-12-31T23:21:29.633-05:00Happy New Year<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_New_Year"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/door.jpg" border="0" /></a>I live far enough in the future, a little less in the future than say, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_zealand">New Zealand</a>, but I know that it's not quite New Years day in the Eastern Standard timezone yet--- Here in the <i>future</i> mind you, in Rand McNally, where people <i>wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people</i>, today is supposed to be spent eating osechi, (mochi--- a sort of sweet sticky confectionery made of rice that happens to kill off a lot of old people in Japan this time of year, soba, miso etc etc), and visiting shrines---<br /><br />I think I have some mochi covered ice cream, so there's one down--- The shrine at Narita is quite popular this time of year, but the shrine down the street (around the way shrine---), is that even blasphemous, I don't know? That one will have to do.<br /><br />They say that what you dream of on New Years eve foretells your new year, I dreamed I had given myself a bad haircut (quite a likelihood actually), and was wearing some nice new clothes... I'll pass on the former, but I'll be happy to live out the second half of that dream with good nature and aplomb. In actuality, the osechi we are eating happens to be home made chicken soup that I "<i>slaved"</i> over last night... It's not miso or soba, but meh.<br /><br /><a href="http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/photospecials/graph/photojournal/20.html"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/photospecials/graph/photojournal/26.jpg" border="0" /></a>Coincidentally, it's the year of the dog, apparently it's also the 55th anniversary of snoopy. It's a pretty sweet deal for the Peanuts franchise, but I always sort of think of Peanuts as representing elemental human charactaristics like sadness, love, friendship, rather than whoring rapacious greed--- still, this diamond encrusted snoopy is fetching in a 'could feed millions' sort of way.<br /><br /><i>A platinum Snoopy figurine encrusted with black, white and pink diamonds is displayed at a Tokyo department store December 15, 2005. The 50 mm-tall Snoopy, with a production limit of 10, carries a price tag of 5.5 million yen. (REUTERS)</i><br /><br />I'm not against wealth but, if you have the money, why spend it on a diamond encrusted dog, or a $400 dollar BAPE hoodie that looks like a box of crayons vomited on it--- do something useful, like buy a slave or go <em>classic </em>and simply use the money to make more money. That Snoopy thing is just an eyesore. <i>Doye.</i>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1135741339066126912005-12-27T22:35:00.000-05:002005-12-31T23:11:25.803-05:00Good job, dumbass...<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volcanos"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/200512272050000.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Cooking tater tots in a Japanese gas stove isn't too difficult--- You can't leave them in too long, but if you watch them, flip them once, and then leave them in for a few minutes each side--- there you go, perfect reminder of an American school lunch staple.<br /><br />If you're drinking cheap faux-Japanese beer like me, and you forget that you put them in the range in the first place, not long later they will turn into what someone I know (in describing this picture), referred to as <i>an exposed lava vent</i>... Seriously, I think had I left them in any longer the carbon might have fused into some sort of gem or diamond.<br /><br />Seriously, what the?Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1135739834668834212005-12-27T21:24:00.000-05:002006-01-06T10:17:48.873-05:00Generation of Vultures<a href="http://www.pileup.com/babyart/"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5613/232/320/susie.jpg" border="0" /></a>Today I was trying to figure out the connection between America's maladroit manga reading shut-ins & the Japanese "Lolita Complex", or quite simply and again needlessly simple, <i>lolicon</i> (much like the clipped phrasing of <b>sexual harassment</b> into simply, <i><a href="http://www.now.org/nnt/11-96/mitsu.html">seku-hara</a></i>)...<br /><br />I'm not "researching" the matter say, like <a href="http://boywhoheardmusic.blogspot.com/">Pete Townsend</a> (seriously--- Pete Townsend has a blog!?? That's another article entirely, but how UN-ROCK & ROLL is that???)<br /><br />So, I'm wondering why, just why, so many American j-pop, manga, anime, self-proclaimed "Japanese culture" nerds seem to rely on Japanese purported endorsement of perversion to excuse their obsessive behavior as simply, "Well, when <i>NOT</i> in Rome...".<br /><br />I ran into <a href="http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6260746.html">this</a> site, simply googling the words "Japan America lolita condition". Within the first paragraph, it has this specious logic to offer:<br /><blockquote>The newest category of manga to hit the U.S. is Gothic Lolita, an aesthetic sensibility that has roots in Japanese punk style. </blockquote>Okay... First off, wrong. I'm sorry to break your Gwen Stefani bubble, but although there are undoubtedly a segment of Japanese "punks"--- you can pick them out by the fact that they look as unkempt as their stateside brethren, the girls who dress up (on weekends mind you), down in Harajuku are <b>not</b> one of them. Secondly, gothic-lolita, and the rest of the cookie-cutter fashion styles of Harajuku-etc etc, don't have the same sexual connotations that people laud them with--- Basically, the scene is a group of highschoolers hell bent on waylaying the hell that is professional life in Japan (in a way, can you blame them)...<br /><br />I'm not going to discuss the whole idea of of style over substance, Marxy over at <a href="http://www.pliink.com/mt/marxy/">Neomarxisme</a> has a great blog that often covers just that--- It is in fact, the biggest threat I have to learning to read CyZo on my own. However, starting a sentence with a preposition, a lot of what people use as their excuse to <a href="http://www.cultofpop.com/">write long lecherous diatribes</a> about the goings on of the 11-18 year old Hello Project pervert magnet bands like <a href="http://avexnet.picot.ne.jp/berryz/">Berryz</a>, & to a much greater extent, <a href="http://wiki.theppn.org/Momusu">Morning Musume</a> (simply <i>momusu</i> to its fanbase), are simply their own preconceived ideas, fantasies, & unhealthy desires.<br /><br />Try to tell people that older men chasing after uniformed school-girls isn't some sort of hallowed Japanese tradition (at least not an encouraged one), and they'll fire back at you stateside that you simply "don't understand Japan's culture of <b>kawaii</b>"... As if in one fell stroke, Hello Kitty, Panda Z & Jagainu-Kun tacitly endorsed pedophilia. It's the same logic idiotic people use against rape victims.<br /><br />To give you some idea of the bullshit logic the work-a-day "Anime Fags" are operating on, for starters, being an "Adult" Morning Musume fan in Japan is equivalent to admitting that you still wet the bed & comfort yourself by sleeping with a lifesized Sailor Moon doll (anyone who saw the recent otaku-mentary on Akihabara on television lately won't find this statement far-fetched). Case in point, that maybe as an adult you shouldn't be collecting Kaws or Kubricks figures, maybe you shouldn't be listening to music that was made for 13-16 year old Japanese girls, maybe you shouldn't be watching shoujo anime, or scratch that--- ANY serialized anime... Do adults do these sorts of things? Apparently, kawaii-culture trumps all, and it's a green light to act like the type of people who show up later in the pages of <a href="http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/face/news/20051216p2g00m0dm011000c.html">MSN Mainichi</a> [ed: Updated 01/02/2006] as the bizarre manga-collecting obsessed shut-ins who happened to have also been accused of murder.<br /><br />But then, nobody ever makes THAT connection. Kuo-Yu Liang, v-p, sales and marketing at Diamond Book Distributors (a business operating in the United States), has this pithy quote to surmise the popularity of the gothic-lolitas state-side, <blockquote>In the U.S we just don't have a sanctioned national obsession with young girls.</blockquote>Orly? <b>What a fucking nonce.</b>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20128550.post-1135411222236194262005-12-24T02:58:00.000-05:002005-12-24T03:00:22.246-05:00FIRSTPOST++This is the obligatory first post, I've put off this blog for a good while, I meant to start it about 4-5 months ago, as a document of my moving ot Japan--- But I never really wanted to write ABOUT Japan--- it just happens to be where I live--- who am I talking to anyways?Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06366319141461582355noreply@blogger.com0