As I sit here packing and eating my deliciously devilish gourmet chee-tos, I'm a bit saddened by the lack of extemeness of the yummy-smiling sun which acts as a mascot-replacement for the IN YOUR FACE Chester Cheetah I'm normally used to. More troubling still, I'm not sure under what circumstances cheetos would be deemed, "gourmet"... These don't taste any more decadent than usual--- I picked them up because I hoped that the 'cheetos' name wouldn't let me down, and good lord, it didn't... Not like that misnomer of a confectionery, nee 'caramel corn', which isn't caramel corn at all, but rather something that resembles Cap'n Crunch. In Japan everything is something else--- So remember that when you order your ebi-mayo pizza---

And what's the point---? Why bother making something if you're just going to trash all over it and decide, HEY! Italian pasta is better afterall with not much sauce and some ham thrown in there, perhaps some natto and goya on top; And you know what's been missing on pizza for the past 50 years, SEAFOOD! The next time you go to some horrible Greek restaurant somewhere and your friend tells you that it's just 'not quite right', punch them right in the face for me.

Every food item in Japan is an 'Eastern take, on a Western classic!', which means that 99.9% of the rest of the world will find it wretched--- Japan is that kid in gradeschool who eats worms to get attention--- People will tell you that goya and natto are healthy, but seriously, if health involves eating battery acid and rotting garbage, wouldn't the healthy envy the dead?

On the eve of my return vacation to the United States I've got my "Corn Garden" caramel corn done the right way, I'm finishing off my gourmet cheetos, I'm getting ready to "Run for the border", and I'm going to do it all so extreme, so heart-felt, so full of life, it just may break your motherfucking heart.