The shocking truth about Steve Aoki

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Hey look, I'm perfectly willing to accept that Steve "Kid Millionaire" Aoki is a nice guy--- I don't know him, I don't hate him for being the "FADER PARTY" (any party really---) poster golden it-boy-thing of the moment, I don't hate him for that smarmy ubiquitous Bathing Ape hooody you see in every other cobrasnake photo, I guess I dont hate him being IN EVERY OTHER cobrasnake photo it seems, on every hipster list, in every L.A. editorial, all over GAWKER, everywhere you look or read until you just want to go into your bedroom, lock the door, take the phone off the ringer, write that last letter to mom, the editor of the Chronicle, and your ex girlfriend, down a bottle of Seconal with a George Dickle chaser, turn on your Art Brut mix cassette at full blast and damn it all to hell, go kicking and screaming in your Red Monkey Jeans into that awful awful Good Night... fyew.

Seriously, let's calm down. It's not all that bad. Here's the rub. When in gods name did people start praising DJs for good taste? Shit DOG, that's what YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO as a DJ... Whens the last time someone said, "Oh yeah, that guy, he's a great DJ, but his records totally suck." Never, Jerk. I could play Bloc Party back to back with Rahmellzee and you know where it gets you 99% of the time? Nowhere. Shit, back before people started name dropping Cool DJ Herc (who couldnt play records to save his life either), that's ALL anyone ever talked about--- the records that DJs played--- Nowadays, everyone sees a pair of $500 dollar turntables and expects that you need a degree from NASSAU just to opperate them, so damn, if what comes out of the speakers doesn't make your ears bleed, you must be Glenn Fucking I'm Fly Gould. But, in the past 15 years or so, since I've ever been a part of some sort of maybe it's a DJ thing--- DJs have became popular for two reasons and two reasons only, one, they get great records that nobody hears again because they are connected to A&R men, or two, they're pretty good looking or have some sort of visual sight-gag that gets them noticed, and jesus, at the very least, have passably good taste in music and an apposable thumb.

That's it. Shit I don't mean to bust the whole scene WIDE OPEN--- but that's it. Don't believe me? Sit back and ask yourself how female DJs get over so well... do you really think they just blew everyone's mind by dropping War Pigs again? Sadly, the scam is that somehow a DJ does something wild and special that nobody else can possibly do--- What's that, it's difficult to scratch? Yeah, and when's the last time you saw someone getting down to a fucking half hour of retarded turntable shit? Never. Know how to make a pretty good mix tape for your girlfriend? Then you are a DJ... it's that simple, and any DJ that tells you different is lying. Would they stick MY MUG on BPM magazine? Doubtful--- sour grapes, Maybe--- but that's the rub.

Still, it's the media you know--- Hipsters aren't half as anoying as people writing about hipsters--- (I'm aware of the irony of that statement, so don't bother pointing it out thanks Gee)... And to read, "Oh yeah, it's so tired, but you know, he really does do what he's paid to do..." Fuck dog--- I want a fucking medal of honor for getting paid to passably entertain a crowd when that's what the fuck my JOB IS, CAPICE??

It's like The Weather Man. Nobody, but nobody likes a douche who gets paid a good deal of money for a minimal ammount of work, that's not all that difficult to begin with. That is unless they get you free drinks.


ps. I'm also aware of the similarities between this post and the article on DJing in Vice magazine from oh say a year or more ago, also I'm aware that I'm a bitter person who probably lives in an underground murder-cave / crawl space, so just ignore all this as some sort of horrible overdose on hubris and bitter rage. K?

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  • Hey I thought I'd clue you in that I don't live in Japan anymore... more than a few blog posts that nobody reads back I left Japan, but was unable to get back in which completely fucked my relationship up, and well, here I am now... single again. Am I bitter about Japanese immigration, fuck yeah (Sea King!), but what can you do...
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